Laptop or TV

I miss so much, but when we were talking on skype, he doesn't talk to me, he talks to the TV.

It pisses me off so much cus he gets to watch TV all fucking day and when I want to talk to him, he's still wanting to watch TV.
Is there anything I can do for him to take more notice!!!
I have started talking to him and he just sits there watching the TV and then he just turns around and goes 'what'?

He can be so irritating some times. I know I can be, but when I want to talk to him I will, but he ecnores me, then I will do the same. I try and talk to him, but he doesn't pay attention at all and I'm there like "fine, if you don't want to talk to me, then don't bother".

I swear to god if next time we talk on skype and he's just looking at the TV, I will stop the webcam, log off and turn my computer off cus I am not going to waist my time with wanting to do something far more intresting than talking to his girlfriend who he hasn't seen for over 3 weeks.

I'm angry with myself. WHy can't I keep his attention? Is he really that board of me? Am I really that boring?

How could I be intresting for him, I don't like or know anything about Xbox or its games, apart from Halo(not as though I have a choice) and Guitar Hero. I don't have the constant erge to spend all my money on crap and I don't like to hang around in bed all day, eat and do nothing.
I can't even help being his perfect girlfriend, which I don't care about as much as I would like to be a little better for him.
I wish he payed a bit more attention to me like he use to.
He doesn't play on the Xbox as much when I'm at his anymore, but this really takes the biscuit when I try and talk to himand I havn't seen him. Its like he just dosen't care. He will watch the TV and then after a few minutes he'll go "Emma?" and I go what and he will talk to me, buts its more like, 'I'm going to keep watching the TV and talk and I'm not really going to hear you, so your just going to have to get over it'.

OMG he's doing my nut in!!!

...

Today, I tryed talking to my boyfriend, but yet again, he was more intrested in watching a movie. I tryed talking to him, but he was keeping everthing short, so I couldm't make a proper conversation with him.

I sent him two poems I had written(yes I'm a poet and I know its sad). Since I've sent them, I totaly regret it now. I thinks its a matter of time before he leaves me. If he goes out to the UAE, there is no reason to be with me and it would be a good excuse as well.

I want to see him, but I can't. I want to talk to him, whichI can do, but is he willing to listen? I don't think so :(

At the moment, I'm feeling a little bit like sloppy seconds, but I can't complain. He will be leaving soon and I will be nothing, but a memory at that.

I can just tuen skype off now and he wouldn't even notice.

Maybe he was right to say he wouldn't marry me before I asked him. Why would anyone want to do that.
He's a free soul and I don't think he would want to be tied down. Not by me. He could honestly do so much better than me.
He's good looking, has a nice toned build, quiet, shy and sensitive. I can understand why he would prefer to be with his friends than me. I'm not the most exciting person in the world.
Everyone in my house thinks I'm the most boringest student alive cus I don't go out drinking, partying(I avoid that at any cost).

Maybe, when he goes out and works, he can meet another young, beautiful English girl.

Maybe he will be happier in paridis.

I confssed

Last night, I finally got to talk to my bf on skype and I was so happy.
I know its really sad, but I cryed so much.It was like a big weight had lifted off my shoulders being able to talk to him. I miss talking to him about the silly little things.

But when we were talking, I confessed that I was going to propose to him on his birthday. I feel really guilty about it know cus it took him by suprise and it scared him a bit.

Not only did I say that, but he wanted to know the reason and its cus if he does move out to the UAE, him saying yes would make me feel so much better knowing he wants to stay with me while he is out there.

I know it sounds like a really stupid idea and if it does happen, I know I will regret it like no tomorrow, but if he does move out there, I would not go into the Army to be with him and thats a career I've always wanted to do.

I don't think he totaly understands how hard it is for me to deal with the fact that he's moving away. He asked why I don't stay with him and join the Army as well. If I did that, I would only see him as much as I see my mum and dad every year and I see my dad 4 times a year if I'm lucky and I see my mum 3 times a year If I'm lucky.

I don't want to be like that with him.

I know at the very beginning of this blog I was slagging him off, but thats when this was only talk and know action, but know its real, I'm not taking him for granted.

I confesed

What is he thinking?

I know I haven't written anything lately, but I can't really say I've been sitting around all week doing nothing.

Since I've been back from my easter holiday with the bf, I've started my fitness crash course with the rest of the people on my uni course were we have to go rock climbing Wednesday, mountain biking Thursday and walking on Fridays.

Since I've been back though, I've only seen the bf once and that was for 20mins. I miss him so much and I think about him all the time, but I don't think he remembers me. I don't really mind if he does (it hurts a lot that he does), but I wish he could talk to me a bit more. I know that whenever I write to him it's always like an essay, which I don't mean it to be, but I just tell him what I've in the day and it just happns to be a lot, but I don't think he enjoys reading it all lol.

I miss him so much and I highly dout he knows how much.

Bloody men

I love him

Back to uni

Today I am back at Uni and it hasn't gone well so far.

I went into work, first thing on Monday, were I am meant to have a lesson with 3 students on a 1:1 bases. But all three decided to not turn up, so that waisted three hours of my dad.
Then, today, as I was about to go into work, my bike wheel buggered up and I didn't really care about that cus I didn't want to go in for 08:20 to be honest.

So know, for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I am just walking everywhere for uni as all my course is havi g to walk over the moors and crap for our unit, fun fun.

Xbox Vs. PlayStation

I have just come back from a holiday with my boyfriend to Abu Dhabei and Dubai to see my dad and my boyfriends dad as I seaid last last. I thought we could use this trip to get away from everything that we normally do here in England e.g. He goes on his xbox and I read my book while I wait for him to finish.

I didn't count on his step brother having a playstation out there with the same games as him. But in general, we had a good time.

Got back here and he was asking if he had got a package he had sent for before we left and he said it was a thing for his laptop, so I beleived him cus that sounded right. But when we got back, I found that he had actually sent off for slimming pills.
Now, I'm 5ft 6inch and I weigh 10stone, my boyfriend on the other hand is 6ft 2inch and weighs 9.7stone and he thinks he has too much weight on him and I cannot get him to understand that he needs to put on a little weight, not loose it and he ordered them while underage as well.
I get this feeling that it may have something to do with this guy he is living with called Scott who has influenced him with everything else from the gadges he gets to the cloths he wears.

But I'm still not 100% sure why he is doing it. Every time I ask him about it, he stays on the subject but detors away from it so he avoids the question.

I feel really guilty that I can't do anything to make him see that be is slim enough and if he got any smaller, he would look really ill. He has already been sent to the doctors by staff at college cus they thought he had a eating disorder, but he doesn't cus he eats fine.

I don't know what to say to him :(