Last night, I finally got to talk to my bf on skype and I was so happy.
I know its really sad, but I cryed so much.It was like a big weight had lifted off my shoulders being able to talk to him. I miss talking to him about the silly little things.
But when we were talking, I confessed that I was going to propose to him on his birthday. I feel really guilty about it know cus it took him by suprise and it scared him a bit.
Not only did I say that, but he wanted to know the reason and its cus if he does move out to the UAE, him saying yes would make me feel so much better knowing he wants to stay with me while he is out there.
I know it sounds like a really stupid idea and if it does happen, I know I will regret it like no tomorrow, but if he does move out there, I would not go into the Army to be with him and thats a career I've always wanted to do.
I don't think he totaly understands how hard it is for me to deal with the fact that he's moving away. He asked why I don't stay with him and join the Army as well. If I did that, I would only see him as much as I see my mum and dad every year and I see my dad 4 times a year if I'm lucky and I see my mum 3 times a year If I'm lucky.
I don't want to be like that with him.
I know at the very beginning of this blog I was slagging him off, but thats when this was only talk and know action, but know its real, I'm not taking him for granted.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Sunday, 25 April 2010
What is he thinking?
I know I haven't written anything lately, but I can't really say I've been sitting around all week doing nothing.
Since I've been back from my easter holiday with the bf, I've started my fitness crash course with the rest of the people on my uni course were we have to go rock climbing Wednesday, mountain biking Thursday and walking on Fridays.
Since I've been back though, I've only seen the bf once and that was for 20mins. I miss him so much and I think about him all the time, but I don't think he remembers me. I don't really mind if he does (it hurts a lot that he does), but I wish he could talk to me a bit more. I know that whenever I write to him it's always like an essay, which I don't mean it to be, but I just tell him what I've in the day and it just happns to be a lot, but I don't think he enjoys reading it all lol.
I miss him so much and I highly dout he knows how much.
Bloody men
I love him
Since I've been back from my easter holiday with the bf, I've started my fitness crash course with the rest of the people on my uni course were we have to go rock climbing Wednesday, mountain biking Thursday and walking on Fridays.
Since I've been back though, I've only seen the bf once and that was for 20mins. I miss him so much and I think about him all the time, but I don't think he remembers me. I don't really mind if he does (it hurts a lot that he does), but I wish he could talk to me a bit more. I know that whenever I write to him it's always like an essay, which I don't mean it to be, but I just tell him what I've in the day and it just happns to be a lot, but I don't think he enjoys reading it all lol.
I miss him so much and I highly dout he knows how much.
Bloody men
I love him
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Back to uni
Today I am back at Uni and it hasn't gone well so far.
I went into work, first thing on Monday, were I am meant to have a lesson with 3 students on a 1:1 bases. But all three decided to not turn up, so that waisted three hours of my dad.
Then, today, as I was about to go into work, my bike wheel buggered up and I didn't really care about that cus I didn't want to go in for 08:20 to be honest.
So know, for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I am just walking everywhere for uni as all my course is havi g to walk over the moors and crap for our unit, fun fun.
I went into work, first thing on Monday, were I am meant to have a lesson with 3 students on a 1:1 bases. But all three decided to not turn up, so that waisted three hours of my dad.
Then, today, as I was about to go into work, my bike wheel buggered up and I didn't really care about that cus I didn't want to go in for 08:20 to be honest.
So know, for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I am just walking everywhere for uni as all my course is havi g to walk over the moors and crap for our unit, fun fun.
Monday, 12 April 2010
Xbox Vs. PlayStation
I have just come back from a holiday with my boyfriend to Abu Dhabei and Dubai to see my dad and my boyfriends dad as I seaid last last. I thought we could use this trip to get away from everything that we normally do here in England e.g. He goes on his xbox and I read my book while I wait for him to finish.
I didn't count on his step brother having a playstation out there with the same games as him. But in general, we had a good time.
Got back here and he was asking if he had got a package he had sent for before we left and he said it was a thing for his laptop, so I beleived him cus that sounded right. But when we got back, I found that he had actually sent off for slimming pills.
Now, I'm 5ft 6inch and I weigh 10stone, my boyfriend on the other hand is 6ft 2inch and weighs 9.7stone and he thinks he has too much weight on him and I cannot get him to understand that he needs to put on a little weight, not loose it and he ordered them while underage as well.
I get this feeling that it may have something to do with this guy he is living with called Scott who has influenced him with everything else from the gadges he gets to the cloths he wears.
But I'm still not 100% sure why he is doing it. Every time I ask him about it, he stays on the subject but detors away from it so he avoids the question.
I feel really guilty that I can't do anything to make him see that be is slim enough and if he got any smaller, he would look really ill. He has already been sent to the doctors by staff at college cus they thought he had a eating disorder, but he doesn't cus he eats fine.
I don't know what to say to him :(
I didn't count on his step brother having a playstation out there with the same games as him. But in general, we had a good time.
Got back here and he was asking if he had got a package he had sent for before we left and he said it was a thing for his laptop, so I beleived him cus that sounded right. But when we got back, I found that he had actually sent off for slimming pills.
Now, I'm 5ft 6inch and I weigh 10stone, my boyfriend on the other hand is 6ft 2inch and weighs 9.7stone and he thinks he has too much weight on him and I cannot get him to understand that he needs to put on a little weight, not loose it and he ordered them while underage as well.
I get this feeling that it may have something to do with this guy he is living with called Scott who has influenced him with everything else from the gadges he gets to the cloths he wears.
But I'm still not 100% sure why he is doing it. Every time I ask him about it, he stays on the subject but detors away from it so he avoids the question.
I feel really guilty that I can't do anything to make him see that be is slim enough and if he got any smaller, he would look really ill. He has already been sent to the doctors by staff at college cus they thought he had a eating disorder, but he doesn't cus he eats fine.
I don't know what to say to him :(
Sunday, 4 April 2010
He's with his other lover
Today, I spent it sitting down stairs by myself with the TV and my book while my other have is having is normal affair with his Xbox and without a dout.
We are going to Dubai for a week tomorrow as both our dads are out here for work(no, there not gay). When we are out there, he has laptop and an Xbox. But known of his games, so I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
As I uses to live in Dubai, I know how the country works and when I told him that we could hold hands or kiss each other in public, he wasn't too happy. That response knocked me off guard as the only way he will hold my hand or anything in public is if I start it.
He also has this idea that he's going to go and live his dad and that he is going to work as a 'bell boy' in a really posh hotel. I said he can't do it and he doesn't believe me.
My reasons for him not being able to work as a bell boy?
1) He is western. They only use Pakistains and Philipenos to work as westerns exspect to have be paid a good wage. The bell boys there get about £200 a month
2) You are made to work every hour god gave us and he would never do that
3) My boyfriend is quit high maintances and he likes his own room, but if he worked as bell boy, he would have to share a room about 10-20 other guys in a room a bit bigger than a cubard
4) Its very doutfull that he will get tiped
Another thing I had to tell him was I couldn't move out with him and when asked why I replyed with "I'm joining the army, you know and I would have to marry you".
When asked why again, I had to explain that, being a Muslim country, you have to be married to live together, otherwise you will be arrested and deported and I would like to go back to the country
I don't think he would like to go to work every day in a suit anyway.
He aslo has this idea that he can just drop everything when he wants to and come back to England whenever he wants. He's also meant to be going out to earn money for himself to bring back here, that will never happen as he likes buying things and when he gets money, he spends it on crap. We have been together for 1yr and 5months and watching him buy all this stuff is the same thing my mum.
I hope I suvive this holiday with him. God give me strength.
We are going to Dubai for a week tomorrow as both our dads are out here for work(no, there not gay). When we are out there, he has laptop and an Xbox. But known of his games, so I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
As I uses to live in Dubai, I know how the country works and when I told him that we could hold hands or kiss each other in public, he wasn't too happy. That response knocked me off guard as the only way he will hold my hand or anything in public is if I start it.
He also has this idea that he's going to go and live his dad and that he is going to work as a 'bell boy' in a really posh hotel. I said he can't do it and he doesn't believe me.
My reasons for him not being able to work as a bell boy?
1) He is western. They only use Pakistains and Philipenos to work as westerns exspect to have be paid a good wage. The bell boys there get about £200 a month
2) You are made to work every hour god gave us and he would never do that
3) My boyfriend is quit high maintances and he likes his own room, but if he worked as bell boy, he would have to share a room about 10-20 other guys in a room a bit bigger than a cubard
4) Its very doutfull that he will get tiped
Another thing I had to tell him was I couldn't move out with him and when asked why I replyed with "I'm joining the army, you know and I would have to marry you".
When asked why again, I had to explain that, being a Muslim country, you have to be married to live together, otherwise you will be arrested and deported and I would like to go back to the country
I don't think he would like to go to work every day in a suit anyway.
He aslo has this idea that he can just drop everything when he wants to and come back to England whenever he wants. He's also meant to be going out to earn money for himself to bring back here, that will never happen as he likes buying things and when he gets money, he spends it on crap. We have been together for 1yr and 5months and watching him buy all this stuff is the same thing my mum.
I hope I suvive this holiday with him. God give me strength.
Friday, 2 April 2010
Today, I thought I wod creat my first blog. It's not as though anyone going to read it.
Anyho, today was the first day in months that I would het to spend some quality time with my boyfriend of 1yr and 5months.
When I of up is morning, I though to myself "neither of us have any work to do and we can spend some quality time together".
The reason I thought this? I haven't see him in months and because he has broken his phone, I can only talk to him on facebook.
So anyway, back to this morning.
So I went down to the kitchen, had something to eat and when I came back up for a shower, he was playing on his Xbox and, being rational, I thought I wod go for a shower, let him play for a bit and the. We can spend some time instead.
HAHA
What was I thinking
When I came out, he was still playing it, so I went and dryer my hair, came back and he was off it, but he was watching music channels instead. So I asked him if he wanted to spend time with me and his reply? "Its up to you, I don't mind". When he said that, I was like WHAT!!!
Your the one tellying me that you want to spend time with me and here you are not caring if you spend a bit of time with me.
Instead I went downstairs again because I knew that we would end up just watching tv and not chatting and if I dare talk to him, he will just get all moody. So I just thought I would go down stairs and just hang out there.
When he's like this, I don't see what he's gaining from this relationship.
Dontget me wrong, I love him so much, but I feel I'm putting more effort into it and I'm mummying him in a way and I know if he saw this, he would get all funny about it and rightly he should, but at least it would be a slap in the face if what I'm thinkig.
Another thing which annoys me that he does is spend his money on stuff that he dose need. An example of this is he brought a credit card holder from Gucci for £105 and it only hold 4 cards, he keeps 2 in it. It's totaly pointless.
I wish he payed as much attention to me like he used to, but then again, he's a guy and that's what most guys do when the novelty of it went.
Things I have learnt, my boyfriend is having an affair with his Xbox, laptop (he plays WoW on it when he is loosing on the Xbox) and any other gadget he has.
Anyho, today was the first day in months that I would het to spend some quality time with my boyfriend of 1yr and 5months.
When I of up is morning, I though to myself "neither of us have any work to do and we can spend some quality time together".
The reason I thought this? I haven't see him in months and because he has broken his phone, I can only talk to him on facebook.
So anyway, back to this morning.
So I went down to the kitchen, had something to eat and when I came back up for a shower, he was playing on his Xbox and, being rational, I thought I wod go for a shower, let him play for a bit and the. We can spend some time instead.
HAHA
What was I thinking
When I came out, he was still playing it, so I went and dryer my hair, came back and he was off it, but he was watching music channels instead. So I asked him if he wanted to spend time with me and his reply? "Its up to you, I don't mind". When he said that, I was like WHAT!!!
Your the one tellying me that you want to spend time with me and here you are not caring if you spend a bit of time with me.
Instead I went downstairs again because I knew that we would end up just watching tv and not chatting and if I dare talk to him, he will just get all moody. So I just thought I would go down stairs and just hang out there.
When he's like this, I don't see what he's gaining from this relationship.
Dontget me wrong, I love him so much, but I feel I'm putting more effort into it and I'm mummying him in a way and I know if he saw this, he would get all funny about it and rightly he should, but at least it would be a slap in the face if what I'm thinkig.
Another thing which annoys me that he does is spend his money on stuff that he dose need. An example of this is he brought a credit card holder from Gucci for £105 and it only hold 4 cards, he keeps 2 in it. It's totaly pointless.
I wish he payed as much attention to me like he used to, but then again, he's a guy and that's what most guys do when the novelty of it went.
Things I have learnt, my boyfriend is having an affair with his Xbox, laptop (he plays WoW on it when he is loosing on the Xbox) and any other gadget he has.
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