I confssed

Last night, I finally got to talk to my bf on skype and I was so happy.
I know its really sad, but I cryed so much.It was like a big weight had lifted off my shoulders being able to talk to him. I miss talking to him about the silly little things.

But when we were talking, I confessed that I was going to propose to him on his birthday. I feel really guilty about it know cus it took him by suprise and it scared him a bit.

Not only did I say that, but he wanted to know the reason and its cus if he does move out to the UAE, him saying yes would make me feel so much better knowing he wants to stay with me while he is out there.

I know it sounds like a really stupid idea and if it does happen, I know I will regret it like no tomorrow, but if he does move out there, I would not go into the Army to be with him and thats a career I've always wanted to do.

I don't think he totaly understands how hard it is for me to deal with the fact that he's moving away. He asked why I don't stay with him and join the Army as well. If I did that, I would only see him as much as I see my mum and dad every year and I see my dad 4 times a year if I'm lucky and I see my mum 3 times a year If I'm lucky.

I don't want to be like that with him.

I know at the very beginning of this blog I was slagging him off, but thats when this was only talk and know action, but know its real, I'm not taking him for granted.